Feeling Disconnected

Like waves in the ocean and the changing of seasons, ebbs and flows in relationships are normal. Life circumstances and every day stressors can take a toll on our connection to the people we love the most. The question is what can you do about it?

Open-ended questions

Did you have a good day at school? Was work ok? Did you have a good sleep? Did you finish your homework? Do you need anything from the grocery store? These are all closed ended question, ending in a yes or no response and essentially finishing the conversation. Enter the power of the open ended questions. Starting with a who, what, where, when, why, or how you automatically open up more dialogue: What do you have on your schedule this week? How can I help you with that big project? Who did you sit with at lunch? Asking good questions shows your loved one that you both care about them and their opinions, a very powerful relational tool. Some of my favorite open-ended questions include: If your mood today were a weather, what would it be? When did you feel really proud of yourself today? What did I do (or could I do) this week to make you feel loved?

Quality Time

Amidst the rush of our busy lives, it can be hard to carve out specific time for your loved one and that effort is another way to foster connection. It does not have to be expensive or take a lot of time: a walk through the neighborhood, a coffee date, or a visit to their favorite bookstore. Couples expert, Julie and John Gottman have shown the efficacy of a 20 second hug or a 6 second kiss to release dopamine and oxytocin, happiness hormones that create a surge of positive emotion. However you do it, making an effort to spend time together shows care that fosters connection.

Express gratitude, love and appreciation

Let the people you love know that you love them and what specifically you enjoy. When we acknowledge the qualities in someone that we value, it makes the person feel seen and special while also making us more aware of the good in our lives. These headwinds of positivity are great for connection and for our overall well-being.

Looking for more relational tips? Schedule some time to explore how you can be more connected to the people you care about.